Chapter 20

Objectively speaking, Ye Ji’an was not at a loss on how to face the call from his younger brother. On the contrary, after rehearsing it year after year, he had become quite experienced. The reason for his tension could perhaps be attributed to the visit earlier that morning. Certain memories were triggered, and instinctively, discomfort followed. He felt uneasy just thinking about the tone he was about to hear, the topics that would be discussed, and the face on the other end of the line. His impression of it had long since faded, but the discomfort remained.

It was comfortable leaning against Liang Xiao, so he did just that. Two men sat on an ordinary high-backed chair, and Liang Xiao silently made room for him, continuing to eat quietly. He peeled the heads off the shrimp and dipped the meat in vinegar, seemingly unconcerned about Ye Ji’an’s unusual behavior, which allowed Ye Ji’an to feel a certain relaxation.

He pressed the green circle.

But it was his mother’s voice that came through.

The familiar Nanjing dialect, asking if he had eaten, if he was still working overtime, whether it was particularly cold in Beijing, and if there were any firecrackers. She even wished him a Happy New Year. The strange feeling in Ye Ji’an’s heart deepened; it was akin to replying to a New Year greeting from a superior. His mind was numb, yet he responded quickly, reciprocating his mother’s every polite remark with the same courtesy. Soon after, it was his father’s turn. The serious, taciturn intellectual image seemed to never change; at least in front of Ye Ji’an, he had always maintained it. He spoke a few dry auspicious phrases, discussed health, and then vaguely pointed out some matters at work before handing the phone back to his mother.

“What about Ye Zhihong?” Ye Ji’an asked.

“He’s driving us to the restaurant,” his mother replied, and in the background, the sound of a child’s laughter could be heard, bright and clear, as if the child was being held in someone’s arms.

Ye Ji’an’s hand was also held. Liang Xiao remained composed, his fingers still moist from the boiled shrimp, wrapping around Ye Ji’an’s fingers, leaning back against the chair, quietly watching him.

“Yeah, sounds fun,” Ye Ji’an smiled, “Tongtong, send me a New Year greeting on WeChat, and I’ll send you some lucky money.”

As soon as he finished speaking, the child directly began to greet him over the phone, the gap in his front teeth making his voice sound even sweeter, skillfully saying the delightful words. When this unfamiliar relative made him happy, he would give him a big red envelope.

Ye Ji’an quickly hung up the phone, the amount he transferred on WeChat was 2019. He set his phone aside and turned to look at Liang Xiao. “She should be in the middle class of kindergarten this year.”

Liang Xiao nodded and pinched his knuckles. “She’s a little girl.”

“She’s spoiled. My mom loves girls. When she was pregnant, she kept telling me she wanted to have a sister for me. Raising a boy is exhausting enough,” Ye Ji’an leaned his forehead against Liang Xiao’s cheek, lowering his eyes. “Who knows.”

After saying that, he lifted his face, gazing into Liang Xiao’s eyes from a few inches away. It was a bold and sudden invitation. Seeing Liang Xiao part his lips, he simply wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him. The kiss lasted for five minutes, Liang Xiao slightly squinting his eyes, responding with warmth, his hand sliding under Ye Ji’an’s shirt. They didn’t separate for even a second, kissing until the chair began to creak.

After the kiss, Ye Ji’an rubbed his lips against Liang Xiao’s corner and sat back in his own chair.

His lips were redder than the shrimp.

The topic of family did not continue. Liang Xiao quickly made Ye Ji’an laugh again, their calves intertwining under the table as they slowly ate. By nearly ten o’clock, they finished two bottles of beer, packed the leftovers into disposable containers, and prepared to feed the stray dogs downstairs the next day.

Afterward, Ye Ji’an went to take a shower, washing off the smell of oil and smoke from his body and the flour from his hair. Liang Xiao had already showered in the afternoon. He stacked the dishes in the sink, listening to the stand-up comedy on the television from a distance, squatting in front of the cabinet for a moment, when he suddenly discovered something.

He actually had a dishwasher.

It was just hidden quite deep, under the stove, and needed the cabinet door to be opened to see it.

Recalling the frustration of dealing with those plates and pots, Liang Xiao felt the whole situation was rather foolish. Something he had never done in over twenty years could not be loved just because he practiced a few times. Even washing dishes with Ye Ji’an did not bring him joy; at most, it was just less painful. Outside of work, Liang Xiao was a person who prioritized entertainment, so he tossed all the dishes into the dishwasher, squeezed in a lot of dish soap, pressed a few buttons, and returned to the living room, sitting cross-legged on the wool carpet, feeling quite cozy.

Marx, having eaten his fill, happily lay on the coffee table, occasionally winking at him.

When Ye Ji’an came out of the bathroom, Liang Xiao had just turned off a video sent by his father a few hours earlier, showing seabirds flying at night and a starry sky with hardly any visible stars. Knowing it was already midnight in Hawaii, Liang Xiao decided not to reply.

“Are you bored?” Ye Ji’an pointed at the Spring Festival Gala on the television, then put down the towel he was using to dry his hair and hung it on the radiator. He was bare-chested, wearing only a pair of white sweatpants. Since the outfit was too form-fitting to wear out for exercise, Ye Ji’an had impulsively bought it and turned it into loungewear. Now, under Liang Xiao’s gaze, he felt his face heat up and grabbed a gray floral V-neck sweater from the sofa to put on.

“I haven’t watched it in many years,” Liang Xiao finally spoke. “I find language programs very interesting.”

Ye Ji’an was initially a bit surprised, but then he understood and smiled, kicking off his slippers and sitting barefoot next to Liang Xiao, propping a pillow behind his back and folding his knees. “Oh no,” he quickly scrolled through his phone, “I forgot to send the red envelope in the group!”

“They’re all urging you,” Liang Xiao naturally wrapped his arms around him. “I didn’t urge you.”

Ye Ji’an had already found Liang Xiao among the barrage of “Call Director Ye” messages. About twenty minutes ago, he had sent ten red envelopes without a single word, and all had been snatched up. “Yeah, are you sending it for me?” He shot Liang Xiao a light glare. “I see they’re almost calling you ‘Dad.'”

“Can you call me ‘Dad’ just for receiving a red envelope?” Liang Xiao raised his eyebrows, his gaze falling on Ye Ji’an’s toes, which were reddened from the hot water, nestled in the long, soft wool.

“Isn’t it? It’s already happening.” Ye Ji’an, unfazed, showed Liang Xiao the finger that was currently being called ‘Dad’ and sent out a series of red envelopes. Every year during the Spring Festival, he had to send five thousand in the group; it was a department tradition that had been in place for many years. As the current supervisor, he had gotten used to it and no longer felt pained by it. Now everyone was crying out for their ‘Dad,’ joking that Director Ye had finally arrived after a date, and the banter didn’t stop them from opening the envelopes. The five thousand was quickly divided among them.

Ye Ji’an thought to himself, at least leave me a little; getting my own is better than getting nothing at all. The unread messages on WeChat had piled up to 999+, and he was too lazy to scroll through them, knowing they were just polite exchanges in the work group and group New Year greetings. Just as he was about to put down his phone and watch the skits Liang Xiao liked, a special notification sound rang out. He had set it up this way for only one person.

WeChat transfer, 50,000 yuan.

Then another message popped up: Exceeded limit, please make up 2,000 tomorrow.

Ye Ji’an did not open it but turned to look at the sender of the message. “What’s going on?”

Liang Xiao looked at him innocently and slowly spoke, “I want to hear Senior call me ‘Dad’… in bed.”

Ye Ji’an was stunned, at least for ten seconds, the alcohol swirling in his mouth, and when he regained his senses, he tossed his phone aside and twisted Liang Xiao’s ear. “…You little brat, I’m seven years older than you. What, is your age in negative growth?” He shouted, biting the ear he was holding, “I would never accept that; this is a matter of dignity.”

Liang Xiao hugged him, slowly nibbling at his Adam’s apple. “I have confidence in making Senior call me that.”

Ye Ji’an gasped a few times, suddenly losing his fierceness, sinking softly into Liang Xiao’s embrace, his arms draped over his shoulders, allowing the slightly painful kisses to travel up to his collarbone. Liang Xiao nudged open his V-neck with his nose and continued to go lower. To be honest, the reason he had taken so long in the shower was that he had done some preparation as suggested online. If they really went all the way tonight, Ye Ji’an wouldn’t find it surprising. Moreover, with Feng Gong having left the stage, the atmosphere on the television had turned dreamy, replaced by a lyrical song; this was truly a perfect moment.

Just then, the phone rang. Just as Ye Ji’an had slid down, lying on the carpet, and Liang Xiao was pressing down on him, continuing to kiss him, his fingers caressing the waistband of his pants.

“Answer it first.” The ringing continued, and Liang Xiao sat up, wiping his lips as he looked at him.

Ye Ji’an propped himself up, grabbing the phone from the coffee table, feeling somewhat impatient. Ye Zhihong, again it was Ye Zhihong.

“Hello?” He ruffled his half-dry hair, sounding rather annoyed.

The other party seemed to be talking a lot, and Ye Ji’an hardly had time to speak. Soon, his entire face turned cold, the warmth that had just been there dissipating. “What do you mean by ‘what am I doing’? She’s my niece; shouldn’t I send her lucky money?”

After listening for a moment, he added, “I know you can support them, but at least I call them Mom and Dad; I have an obligation to support them, right?” He paused, pressing his nose and then his inner eye corner. “I don’t want to argue with you about this every year. The money goes into Mom’s card; just let her manage it herself. If she gets scammed, it doesn’t matter; as long as she’s happy.”

“Alright, you go back and spend more time with them.” That was the last sentence.

After hanging up, Ye Ji’an remained silent for a long time.

“Shall we continue?” It seemed he had exerted quite a bit of effort to ask that.

Liang Xiao shook his head, looking at him intently, his eyes showing no fluctuations. “Does Senior want to talk to me about these things?”

Ye Ji’an lowered his eyes and smiled. “Do you want to hear?”

Liang Xiao replied earnestly, “I’ve always wanted to hear.”

Ye Ji’an fell silent for a moment, smoothing his tousled hair before speaking, his tone calm as if he were in a morning meeting at nine-thirty, though his voice was hoarse. “It’s like this: they aren’t actually my biological parents. My younger brother is biological. I was adopted when I was three, and my brother was born when I was over seven.”

Liang Xiao nodded, quietly handing him a cup of red tea.

Ye Ji’an cherished this silence; he didn’t need Liang Xiao to say anything, nor did he need him to show any surprise or sympathy, and Liang Xiao understood his thoughts perfectly. After drinking half a cup, he continued, “I was in that orphanage, the one I visited this morning. I was there from the beginning; looking for my biological parents was futile, and I didn’t want to look for them.” He began to press the inner corner of his eye again. “Everyone has a rebellious phase, right? I thought they treated me poorly after they had their own biological child. I even considered running away from home, but when I actually did it, I found it meaningless. They weren’t in a hurry to find me; I just went back, making a fool of myself. From then on, I focused on studying, wanting to get into the best university elsewhere, then work and settle down without ever going back. And now I’ve done it.” He smiled again. “An inspirational story.”

Liang Xiao raised both hands, smoothing his eyebrows. “I know Senior is amazing. You’ve always thought this way.”

Ye Ji’an’s brow relaxed, but his eyelashes drooped. “Now that I think about it, it feels rather pointless. What do I have to be resentful about? They at least provided for me, raised me. Now, going back feels awkward; I don’t know how to handle it. I just think I should fulfill my filial duty, at least like they did for me when I was young. I can’t let them lose out on money. And then my brother gets anxious every year, telling me not to send money back.”

Liang Xiao couldn’t help but ask, “Why?”

Ye Ji’an thought seriously for a moment. “He’s been smarter than me since he was little, often winning various awards in competitions. I’ve always been proud of him. Now he earns a decent salary and feels he can fully support that family. He doesn’t want to acknowledge me as his brother. He thinks sending money is pitying them, trying to stand on a moral high ground to judge them.”

Liang Xiao was slightly taken aback.

Ye Ji’an laughed again. “I don’t have that kind of thought at all. I just feel…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence.

Liang Xiao cradled Ye Ji’an’s hand in his palm, silently waiting for him.

Ye Ji’an choked up for a moment before finally speaking. “I just feel that if there’s no contact at all, if I don’t make this effort, they definitely won’t do anything either. They probably won’t even reach out to me, as if we aren’t family at all.”

Liang Xiao gently asked, “Does Senior feel they are family now?”

Ye Ji’an stared at the ground and nodded. “Still.”

Liang Xiao asked again, “Do you think they love you?”

Ye Ji’an was momentarily stunned, raising his eyes. “Such a question seems meaningless.”

“It has meaning,” Liang Xiao insisted. “Family members love each other.”

“Don’t say that.” Ye Ji’an’s fingers curled up in his palm, lightly resting, as if holding back strength, afraid to put all his weight on it.

“I understand. Senior wants to be remembered and loved by them through effort and giving, but what you gain this way is all false,” Liang Xiao held Ye Ji’an’s wrist, sliding up to his forearm, then his upper arm, finally resting on his shoulder. “For over ten years, Senior has just refused to understand this truth. But you are worthy of love; you don’t need to lower yourself to seek it from others.”

Ye Ji’an sat there stiffly, his chin tucked in, his breathing uneven.

For a few moments, his expression was as if he were crying out loud.

“Others loving you is their business; you don’t need to work hard for it or help them,” Liang Xiao continued slowly and methodically, pulling Ye Ji’an’s head close, holding him tightly in front of him. “Just like I hope Senior loves me, it’s because of who I am. I’ve thrown away everything, taken off my clothes, standing before the Earth like Adam and Eve, and I still want you to love me, not because of any effort I made.”

“I…”

Liang Xiao was not in a hurry, holding him gently as he swayed, waiting for him to speak.

“…I’ve never had someone like that before.” Ye Ji’an finally spoke, his nose pressed against Liang Xiao’s neck, his voice muffled.

“What kind of person?”

“Someone who can love me…” The word ‘love’ was incredibly difficult to say. Ye Ji’an uttered it and took several deep breaths. “Someone who tells me I’m worth it.”

Liang Xiao seemed to smile. “Do you have one now?”

Ye Ji’an nodded heavily, burying his face in Liang Xiao’s embrace. “I do.”

Liang Xiao gently kissed the top of his head. “Then remember this.”

They held each other for a long time, a long time, as the programs on the television changed one after another, and even distant, hazy firecracker sounds could be heard from downstairs. Ye Ji’an was unsure of the time; he only knew he cried in that embrace, being careful and satisfied, crying just a little, then stopping, his eyelids probably swollen, tears drying on his face, making no sound.

It seemed Liang Xiao had timed it perfectly, lifting his face to start kissing him, taking in all his features.

“Wait a minute…” Ye Ji’an pushed him away. “I need to wash my face; I look terrible.”

Liang Xiao’s eyes widened in surprise. “I think Senior looks great! Can a little beer make someone talk nonsense?”

Ye Ji’an burst into laughter. “Your mouth is all sweetened up.”

Liang Xiao continued to hold his face, speaking clearly, “You really are good-looking.” He pinched the back of Ye Ji’an’s neck, trailing down his spine inch by inch. “Let me think… messy hair from rushing to catch the subway looks good. The stubble from not having time to shave after working overtime looks good too. The dark circles under your eyes now look good.”

Ye Ji’an’s heart raced; he felt he couldn’t just let himself be served without doing anything. He tentatively reached his hand under Liang Xiao’s sweater, feeling his abs and moving toward his waistband. Before he could touch anything, he felt a rush of warmth near his ear, so close that Liang Xiao’s dry voice made him dizzy, as if he had suddenly sat on a cloud. “I can make you look even better.”