Chapter 18

On New Year’s Eve, early in the morning, the streets were almost deserted. Liang Xiao’s red little car sped along the Fifth Ring Road, arriving at the West Mountain Welfare Institute before eight-thirty.

The parking lot was quite spacious, but aside from the welfare institute’s bus, only a few private cars were parked haphazardly, most of them covered in dust. A security guard stopped him at the gate, while Ye Ji’an leaned against the car door making a phone call to the director. Liang Xiao busied himself taking out the gifts he had brought for the children, the trunk nearly bursting at the seams. There were several boxes of Lego, two large bags filled with stuffed toys, and a set of over thirty popular science picture books piled at his feet. He had bought all of these the previous afternoon while shopping for New Year’s goods. The shopping cart had been so full that the two of them had squeezed together in line at the checkout, and in their rush, they had forgotten to buy the adult items they had planned to get.

He could only plan to buy them on the way home in the afternoon. Since returning to the country, Liang Xiao hadn’t purchased such items, nor had he developed the habit of online shopping, so he wasn’t sure if the supermarkets here carried his preferred brand. Of course, pondering such matters at this time and place seemed rather inappropriate. Ye Ji’an had already hung up and was walking towards him, lifting the two boxes of colorful picture books. “The director will be out to meet us soon,” he said, glancing up at the sun. “She said it’s just the two of us.”

Liang Xiao gathered the remaining stuffed toys and blocks into his arms, “How many children are there?”

“About sixty, ranging from one or two years old to twelve or thirteen,” Ye Ji’an replied with a smile. “That’s a lot of dumplings to wrap.”

As they approached the gate, the iron door swung open, and the director came jogging out to greet them. Contrary to Liang Xiao’s imagined image of a kind old lady, she was quite young, probably in her thirties, with a small nose and eyes, and short hair that made her look capable. However, her smile was very sweet and quite approachable.

“The children just woke up; I was just getting them breakfast,” she said, grabbing the stack of books from Ye Ji’an’s hands and walking briskly ahead of them. “It’s so far for you to come; I really appreciate it.”

“Not at all, you’ve been inviting me for years,” Ye Ji’an replied, freeing one hand to take a bag of toys from Liang Xiao’s arms so he could show his face.

“Indeed, donating twenty thousand every year since the World Expo,” the director sighed. “We were all quite surprised when we learned you were so young.”

Liang Xiao looked at Ye Ji’an with admiration in his eyes. “And that’s not the only one,” he said softly. “Senior, your salary wasn’t that high back then.”

“Back then, I didn’t have to pay a mortgage,” Ye Ji’an said a bit shyly. “And my salary has increased since then.”

“Ha ha, so you’re Xiao Liang, right?” The director turned back to them with a smile. “Mr. Ye has already introduced you to me. I’m quite surprised you managed to convince him to come.”

Liang Xiao smiled as well. “The Senior just isn’t very good with children.”

Ye Ji’an stepped on his shadow. “Hey, are you?”

Liang Xiao nimbly dodged and obediently looked at him. “I’m not either.”

The director laughed heartily, her voice echoing in the spacious front yard. “The children are all very well-behaved and adorable, and they’re all looking forward to making dumplings with their big brothers. There’s nothing to be nervous about.” She encouraged the two men, who had no parenting experience.

Inside the high walls, there were two buildings, both three-story small houses. The gray walls were old and beginning to peel. One was likely used for living, and the other for activities. The director led them into the southern building, through the lobby, and up the stairs. On the second floor, right at the entrance, was a large activity room with excellent lighting. Through the small glass panel on the wooden door, Liang Xiao saw many children already gathered inside, all sitting up straight.

“All sixty-three of them are here, all dressed in new clothes bought with Mr. Ye’s donation,” the director said, peering in with a smile.

“As long as they’re warm,” Ye Ji’an replied, his usual polite smile still on his face, but Liang Xiao sensed a fleeting awkwardness that quickly passed.

“They might be a bit shy at first,” a teacher with a ponytail came to open the door for them, but the director didn’t rush inside. She paused at the entrance to explain, “I’ve already introduced you to them. You’re both university elites in securities investment, young gold collars; they’ll admire you. Just greet them, and we’ll distribute the gifts, then start making dumplings from scratch. The children will feel more involved that way.”

Liang Xiao didn’t think children of this age would have any admiration for financial elites. At least, he had always been uninterested in his father’s profession as a child, preferring to spend his father’s money. It wasn’t until he went to university and met a few good teachers that he truly discovered the joy of data and the stock market, deciding to devote all his energy to it. At the same time, he had little hope of being much help in making dumplings, but he nodded anyway, his cap slipping down, only to be pushed back up by Ye Ji’an’s hand.

“I can already smell it, celery filling,” he whispered in Liang Xiao’s ear. “Do you like it?”

Help, it’s celery. I can’t eat any of it—celery, Chinese celery, European celery, water celery, I can’t stomach any of it, Liang Xiao thought.

“It’s okay,” he replied.

“I know you’re picky. I’ll make your favorite when we get home,” Ye Ji’an glanced at him again before following the director inside, leaving Liang Xiao behind, a bit confused. When had he exposed himself? He always made a point to avoid dishes that would make him seem picky when dining with Ye Ji’an.

The gift distribution went very smoothly. The Lego blocks and books were communal, placed on a shelf, and the children didn’t even stir to crowd around to see; they remained still on their little benches. The eighty-plus stuffed toys ensured that each child would have one. The two of them exchanged simple greetings as previously arranged, and each child responded enthusiastically. Only when the teacher called out did they stand up to receive their gifts, each little face beaming with sweet smiles, which made Liang Xiao feel a bit strange. But he couldn’t quite put his finger on why, so he obediently followed Ye Ji’an, expecting him to hand out the gifts one by one, like the Santa Claus he had seen at the school gate every year in middle school. Instead, Ye Ji’an simply handed the bags to the director and the ponytailed teacher, then sat down to the side.

“It’s just a small toy; there’s no need to make it so ceremonial,” Ye Ji’an said, glancing at the children obediently lining up in front of the teacher, then at the small table where the washed celery stalks glistened. “Look at them; they’re so well-behaved.”

“Yeah, suddenly I feel like I was quite annoying as a child. I probably would have fought with others over a Batman,” Liang Xiao said, curling his long legs on the uncomfortable little bench, propping his elbows on his knees and resting his face in his hands. “They’re so quiet.”

Ye Ji’an laughed. “You just haven’t suffered.”

Liang Xiao thought about it and realized that was indeed the case. The reason these children were so easy to manage was easy to explain; having grown up without support and relying on others, they learned to read the room and wrapped themselves in a shell of obedience, shedding the usual childish flaws, almost as a form of self-protection.

Just like how he had often been praised for “growing up suddenly” after witnessing his mother’s tragic death.

“I shouldn’t have come,” Ye Ji’an said, looking at a few two or three-year-old children with horned braids quietly standing at the end of the line, suddenly rubbing his cheeks and coming to this conclusion.

“We’ll tell them jokes later; they’ll relax,” Liang Xiao shifted his gaze from the toys to Ye Ji’an’s face.

But Ye Ji’an shook his head. “It’s me who… how should I put it, doesn’t feel comfortable.”

After that, he pressed his lips together and stopped explaining, his spirit seemed to sink, though not noticeably, Liang Xiao could sense it. He didn’t press further, just quietly observed. Ye Ji’an blended in well, surrounded by little ones, teaching the older kids how to mix the meat filling and showing the younger ones how to knead the dough, getting flour all over his face and sweater, but soon he was smiling again. In contrast, Liang Xiao felt a bit ridiculous, as he could only slowly roll out the dough.

However, with his good looks and harmless smile, he didn’t lack for children surrounding him, using small rolling pins to flatten the dough, chatting and quickly becoming familiar, still maintaining a careful politeness, asking him questions like, “Big brother, are you super good at making money?”

If he were to be honest, Liang Xiao felt he was better at spending money.

But he certainly couldn’t say that, as it would be too embarrassing and misleading. So, he cryptically shared his insights with the children, “You need to study hard, learn math and English well to make money.”

His eyes still discreetly followed Ye Ji’an.

Was it just his imagination? He felt that Ye Ji’an seemed sad, even while smiling as he wiped a child’s nose with a tissue, he seemed sad; while smiling and dodging the children’s flour-covered hands, he seemed sad; while smiling and teaching a child how to pinch the edges of the dumplings, he also seemed sad.

It was a deep sadness, so profound that it didn’t surface, yet he could still smile.

As he pondered this, he saw Ye Ji’an stand up and walk straight towards him, as if to pull him over to learn how to make dumplings. Ye Ji’an remembered his request, and Liang Xiao, of course, set aside his distractions and humbly learned. Among the little ones, he had the advantage of being closest to the action, so he could see the clearest and learn the fastest. The originally flat dumplings in his hands quickly took on a basic crescent shape.

But mastering this skill was not something that could be achieved in a short time. By the time Ye Ji’an had finished wrapping a steamer full, Liang Xiao endured the strange taste of celery, collaborating with a few children to catch up, and they managed to clumsily assemble a nearly full steamer, not knowing how many would burst while cooking.

Soon, the first batch of finished dumplings was ready to be boiled. Liang Xiao volunteered to participate in the cooking activity, understanding the importance of coordination. He decided to leverage his other strengths to maximize benefits and avoid the indiscriminate attack of celery. Balancing a large cutting board piled high with dumplings, Liang Xiao followed the kitchen lady through the corridor and up the stairs into the steaming kitchen. Unlike at home, the stove and work surfaces were all made of metal and were particularly large. Liang Xiao made two trips back and forth with the dumplings, getting the transportation sorted and was then assigned the task of plating.

He held a high stack of stainless steel plates, placing them one by one on the table, which also had a metallic sheen, reflecting the harsh light of the kitchen’s fluorescent bulbs. The kitchen lady noticed how diligently he worked and found him likable, so she struck up a casual conversation.

While Liang Xiao meticulously mixed a large bowl of dipping sauce according to the proportions, the lady initiated the conversation again, “That little Ye, I never expected to see him again. So many years have passed; I really have to thank you, young man, for bringing him here.”

Liang Xiao immediately became alert. “Have you met him before?”

“Of course, I saw him every day,” the lady’s face softened, her wrinkles easing. “He was here until he was three. Back then, I was just a young girl starting work, cooking for him. He was very weak and small, so I would cook special meals just for him. Didn’t he tell you?”

Liang Xiao steadied himself from the shock. In fact, he had considered this possibility. Understanding Ye Ji’an and his family dynamics, and seeing Ye Ji’an’s unusual behavior earlier, a certain guess had surfaced in his mind, only to be immediately dismissed. As for why, it was because thinking about it would hurt; he instinctively didn’t want to ponder any hardships Ye Ji’an had faced.

“Before he was three?” Liang Xiao stirred the undissolved sugar granules at the bottom of the bowl with the tip of his chopsticks, keeping his head down and trying to speak steadily. “He grew up in Nanjing after that.”

“That was when he was taken back by his adoptive parents. I think it was due to his father’s job transfer,” the lady seemed lost in distant memories, her voice softening. “When they came to pick him up, they immediately took a liking to little Ye, he was cute and smart, and they promised to take good care of him since he was weak. At that time, he only had a nickname; he had been abandoned in the hospital since birth, you know, over thirty years ago there weren’t so many rules. We raised him here, and he didn’t even have a household registration. It was only when he got a foster family that he took the Ye surname. His family really cherished him back then.”

Is that so? Liang Xiao remained silent.

He only heard the lady continue, “They originally came to adopt a child because they couldn’t conceive, but then they seemed to have had another one? I remember little Ye came back once, when he was about ten, he took the train by himself, that was over twenty years ago. He didn’t say anything, just looked around and left, asking us not to tell his parents. We understood; children are sensitive at that age, they can tell who likes them and how well they are treated, but what could we do? Legally, he was already theirs, and we couldn’t take him back.”

As she spoke, she sighed deeply, and after a while, the dumplings in the pot began to float, bobbing in the rolling water. Noticing Liang Xiao’s silence, she added, “You two are good friends, right? Should I tell you more about—”

Liang Xiao interrupted, “Thank you, but that’s not necessary.”

He had no expression, speaking each word deliberately, “These personal matters, I want to hear them when the person involved is willing to share them with me.”

The lady looked a bit disappointed, stammering her understanding. Liang Xiao quietly watched her, the sugar granules at the bottom of the bowl had already been crushed.

He knew he wanted to lose his temper.

But he didn’t know at whom, nor did he have the right to.

Carrying two large plates of boiled dumplings down the stairs and through the long corridor, Liang Xiao’s inner turmoil began to settle slightly. Through the glass strips on the wooden door, he once again observed the activity room inside. The first thing he saw was a familiar boy. He was no longer making dumplings; instead, he was sweeping the floor by the door, quietly gathering the flour scattered on the ground into a dustpan. When he couldn’t clean it up properly, he squatted down, his long bangs hanging over his eyes, quietly using his fingers to gather the dust, rolling up his sleeves to avoid dirtying his new clothes.

Liang Xiao remembered that when he was rolling out the dough, the boy had introduced himself shyly, saying he was in the fifth grade and was twelve years old this year.

Such a sensible twelve-year-old.

…Senior, were you like this too? Whether trapped in that family or escaping back here.

Liang Xiao searched the bustling room for Ye Ji’an’s figure.

He quickly found him. Ye Ji’an was facing him, still making dumplings with a group of children, smiling more naturally and beautifully. The sunlight streamed through the large windows, casting a glow on him, as if he were radiating light. His hair was dusted with flour, but he didn’t look disheveled; instead, he appeared very gentle.

He even exuded a maternal aura, much like the director and the teachers, that kind of older, kind-hearted, nurturing quality, ready to hold the children in his arms and softly lull them to sleep.

This was so different from Ye Ji’an at work, and not quite the same as his usual gentleness. Liang Xiao was mesmerized, and just before stepping through the door, he clearly saw his own sadness in that layer of fluffy sunlight. It could only be described as “unpleasant.” He suddenly found himself obsessively thinking, Senior, Senior, I don’t want you to be a nurturing mother; I don’t want that. I just want you to be a child who can cry and throw tantrums.

Because being a child is truly delightful.

Those things you’ve been owed, all those many, can I return them to you?

He took a deep breath, steadied the dumplings, and walked towards Ye Ji’an.