Chapter 33
by CasualMTL
Sometimes, a person’s mindset is such that if they’re not feeling good, they can’t bear to see others feeling good either.
It’s like being late for school and getting a scolding from the teacher, feeling miserable, and then looking up to see that your desk mate is even later than you.
Suddenly, your mood lifts.
If two people are punished to stand at the same time, it’s no longer a punishment; it’s a legitimate way to daydream.
Ruan Zhen bit the edge of the blanket, staring resentfully at the ceiling.
If Song Shuling were also tossing and turning, unable to sleep, they might have a chat, gradually feeling drowsy and eventually drifting off.
But Song Shuling was sleeping so soundly!
At first, Ruan Zhen had planned to sleep in the “face the wall and think about it” position, but there was no need for that now. He lay flat on the bed, occasionally glancing at Song Shuling, then quickly looking away.
Song Shuling seemed utterly exhausted.
On such a small and narrow sofa, he was breathing evenly, his brows relaxed, looking very at ease.
Ruan Zhen couldn’t help but recall how Song Shuling had driven here himself, only to break down at the foot of the mountain and walk in step by step. He wondered how he had navigated the path, if he had been scratched by the overgrown shrubs, and yet, when they met, he still looked as handsome as ever, in a suit and tie, refined and courteous.
Yet, he had earnestly told Ruan Zhen that he felt inferior.
After biting the edge of the blanket, Ruan Zhen started biting his nails.
They were both adults; there was no need to play dumb. Song Shuling’s meaning was clear: he liked Ruan Zhen.
What did he like?
Ruan Zhen felt a bit lost.
He thought about it seriously but couldn’t come to a conclusion. He only remembered his first and only innocent infatuation, which seemed to have no special reason.
Just because the unfamiliar older brother had carried the bullied him home.
Liking someone isn’t a math problem or a complex business contract; otherwise, it wouldn’t have sustained Song Shuling’s three months of longing, driving over eight hundred kilometers, and trekking into the mountains.
“When did it happen?”
Ruan Zhen’s voice was soft. “Song Shuling, when did you start liking me?”
There was no response; Song Shuling was deeply asleep.
Ruan Zhen turned on his side and stared at Song Shuling’s face without restraint.
The room was so small that the distance between them could be bridged with a single reach.
“Before, I thought you were showing off, but now, you seem pretty stupid.”
Ruan Zhen couldn’t sleep, talking to himself in the dark.
“Just a few drinks with my grandfather, and you’re this drunk. If you can’t handle it, why didn’t you refuse?”
His voice was so soft that it couldn’t possibly wake Song Shuling, but as soon as he finished speaking, he saw Song Shuling frown slightly and shift his body.
The small sofa was indeed uncomfortable.
There was another reason.
Ruan Zhen’s gaze moved from Song Shuling’s face down to his body—
The thin blanket was about to slip off, revealing the man’s tightly buttoned shirt.
He must be crazy.
Even in sleep, he was still wearing such a snug shirt. It was fine during the day, but for resting, it was too inconvenient, especially for a drunk person who should have changed into comfortable pajamas. How uncomfortable must he be?
And Song Shuling’s shirt buttons were even fastened to the top.
Ruan Zhen swallowed.
He felt a little… itchy.
Most of the students here were left-behind children. During his time as a volunteer teacher, he often had to care for their daily needs, helping them button up their coats and tie their shoelaces. Mr. Ruan was used to doing these things.
So, if he unbuttoned a few of Song Shuling’s buttons, he would feel much better.
After a moment of silence, Ruan Zhen abruptly turned back.
No way!
What was he thinking!
The most important thing now was to get to sleep quickly, regardless of whether Song Shuling was comfortable or not!
He wrapped himself in the blanket like a ball, trying to clear his mind of all distractions, but the more he tried, the more he tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.
A moment later, Ruan Zhen sat up with a dark face.
He glared at Song Shuling in a self-destructive manner, threw off the blanket, and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his breath as quietly as possible—
He reached out toward Song Shuling.
He must have been very tired, not even taking off his tie. Ruan Zhen stealthily inserted his index finger, gently pulling it down. He didn’t intend to untie the tie, just loosen it a bit.
The room had only one small window, and in the dim light, the dark blue tie felt cool, like the clear stream at the bottom of a dam, quietly flowing through his fingers.
The top button was undone.
Ruan Zhen’s fingers trembled slightly, avoiding looking at the skin between the collar, just wanting to quickly undo a couple more and then leave. In the morning, Song Shuling would probably think he had unconsciously undone them in his sleep.
Next was the second button.
He was careful not to touch Song Shuling, making his movements as light and gentle as possible, focusing on the small button, which gleamed like a shell in the darkness.
Song Shuling’s chest rose and fell.
Ruan Zhen quickly withdrew his hand.
He blinked in a daze, thinking, just one more, but what if Song Shuling woke up?
And his heart was beating faster and faster, from nervousness or anticipation?
Ruan Zhen lowered his lashes.
He didn’t want to think about it; it wasn’t something he could control.
His long fingers touched the button, slowly flipping it open, carefully avoiding Song Shuling’s body—
“…Ah!”
He instinctively gasped.
He met Song Shuling’s amber eyes.
And his hand was caught tightly.
“Ruan Zhen,” Song Shuling’s voice was a bit hoarse, “is that you?”
As he spoke, he tightened his grip, pulling Ruan Zhen toward him in an irresistible manner.
Ruan Zhen was flustered, trying to back away. “No, no, just sleep…”
All the nervousness and anticipation were gone. Ruan Zhen was so embarrassed he wanted to bang his head against the wall, or better yet, have Song Shuling do it and knock himself out, waking up with no memory of what happened.
Unfortunately, his wrist was caught, and he couldn’t find even a piece of chalk to defend himself.
Song Shuling didn’t say anything, just looking at him deeply.
The blanket had completely slipped to the floor. Ruan Zhen was trying to back away, but Song Shuling had already sat up, inching closer.
The room was too small. When Ruan Zhen had chosen it, he had liked the convenience of the sofa for throwing clothes and bags, but now he was suffering for it. The distance between them was so close that Song Shuling didn’t even need to stretch his arm; a little closer, and their noses would touch.
There was a faint smell of alcohol.
Song Shuling’s eyes were slightly red, not fully awake from the alcohol and sleep.
His left hand tightly held Ruan Zhen’s wrist, while his other hand lifted to caress Ruan Zhen’s cheek.
His thumb gently stroked a couple of times.
Ruan Zhen’s whole body stiffened.
He had been roughly grabbed by Song Shuling before, when the other man had suspected him and questioned who had sent him.
Being restrained like that hadn’t made him this nervous.
But he couldn’t bear such gentle tenderness.
It felt like he was being lifted up.
Song Shuling, in the dim moonlight, looked at Ruan Zhen’s face with a serious expression. Compared to Ruan Zhen, who was so tense he could hardly breathe, Song Shuling was calm, his gaze full of tender affection.
“Can I kiss you?”
Song Shuling asked solemnly.
It was a dream, after all.
He had had this dream several times, always vague. Sometimes Ruan Zhen would smile at him, sometimes say he was cold, and Song Shuling would reach out and hold him tightly.
He had thought about Ruan Zhen so much, day and night, seeing his expressions—lazy, serious, fierce, and childishly smiling.
So cute.
Desire was the most honest thing.
Song Shuling smiled.
He closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss.
Just a light touch on the lips.
It felt good.
The Ruan Zhen in his dreams was so obedient, not moving, but… not tilting his face to meet the kiss.
His right hand still held Ruan Zhen’s face, so he moved down and used his index finger to lift Ruan Zhen’s chin.
Kissing again.
Many actions were instinctive. Even without experience, he was curious about how to do it, but now he didn’t need anyone to teach him. Song Shuling kissed Ruan Zhen’s lips, gently and deeply, his head spinning, his whole body tingling, a million butterflies fluttering in his chest, his heart beating so fast that the feeling was both dreamlike and excruciatingly real—
No, real enough to hurt.
Ruan Zhen bit his tongue.
Song Shuling laughed, realizing how much he wanted to possess, unconsciously probing Ruan Zhen’s mouth, fascinated by the softness.
It was too wonderful.
He cupped the back of Ruan Zhen’s head, kissing him with an unyielding intensity. Ruan Zhen fell backward, and Song Shuling pressed forward, kneeling on the bed.
“Um…”
Ruan Zhen couldn’t take it, pushing against Song Shuling’s chest, but his wrist was held even tighter, his heart pounding so hard that he was defenseless, his mouth opened, and Song Shuling kissed him deeply, his right hand gently holding his hair, firmly restraining him.
Ruan Zhen was completely immobilized, on the verge of suffocation—
Song Shuling suddenly let go.
The weight was suddenly lifted, but Ruan Zhen’s mind was still blank, unable to react.
Song Shuling’s right hand supported his ear, the unbuttoned shirt now free, his chest heaving.
He reached out and touched Ruan Zhen’s face.
“Don’t be afraid.”
He added, “You can breathe now.”
Only then did Ruan Zhen uncontrollably shudder, taking deep breaths, like a fish returning to the water, or a highland herder stepping onto the plain for the first time, experiencing a bit of “oxygen intoxication.” Or maybe it was Zhang Laotou’s mischief, the alcohol on the chopstick tip was fake, making him so dazed.
Ruan Zhen panted for a while, then raised his hand to cover his face.
Song Shuling patted his arm and rubbed his head, gently comforting him. “Feeling better?”
Drunkards are the most unreasonable. Even now, he hadn’t moved from Ruan Zhen’s body.
Ruan Zhen’s heart was pounding, not letting go of his face, not saying a word, too embarrassed to know what to say.
Song Shuling waited quietly.
He waited until Ruan Zhen’s breathing steadied, the redness on his ears faded, and his wet eyes peeked through his fingers—
Then he leaned down again and kissed Ruan Zhen.
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