Chapter 32

Song Shuling was thirty-one years old. Standing in a mountain hollow he had never visited before, with mud on his shoes and the dampness of the rain, he felt the coolness of the moonlight all over him. He gazed at the person he hadn’t seen in a long time and said, “I’m sorry, I missed you so much.”

He had thought about what to say when they met.

None of the drafts in his head were useful. When he finally met those eyes, all he could say was, “I missed you so much.”

Before, he could fill his life with a busy job, complex social relationships, and his parrot and a wall of tropical fish. Song Shuling was a solitary person, with few friends from childhood to adulthood. He kept his interests hidden, not allowing others to peek.

His heart was also quite narrow. He would doubt others, have a strong sense of revenge, and observe coldly.

On the surface, he lived a safe life, but deep down, there was always a desire to break free. His neatly pressed suit was a thin shell, enclosing the ambition of a fighter and the shock that pain could bring.

He knew Ruan Zhen was doing well now.

On the way here, he also knew it was going to rain.

But he set out without hesitation.

The car broke down, and he leaned his head on the steering wheel, exhaling softly.

He felt it was raining in his heart, damp and hot.

It was a very unfamiliar… discomfort.

He wished he could take out that heart, squeeze it, wring out all the dampness, and hang it up carefully to dry slowly in the future.

The night after the rain was clear and bright.

Ruan Zhen didn’t speak for a long time.

After a while, he finally said, “I heard your name before we met.”

“Strong, decisive, and skilled. You are a true leader, yet very low-key. Later, I realized you are indeed as confident and… spirited as the rumors suggest.”

Ruan Zhen looked directly into Song Shuling’s eyes.

“So, you dare to do dangerous things yourself, and you can confidently say things that shouldn’t be said, right?”

The wind grew stronger.

When they arrived, the village committee had trained them, saying that the nights at the dam were particularly cold. If they were trapped in the mountains, they needed to stay warm to avoid serious consequences.

The village chief, Huang Yang, had pointed to the branches, where two fluffy birds were huddled together for warmth.

“Conserve your energy, huddle together, and cover yourselves with something to block the wind.”

Now, deep into the night, the wind had blown away the rain-laden clouds, and it seemed unsatisfied, blowing at these two young men who didn’t know any better.

They didn’t huddle together, maintaining a distance.

Song Shuling felt his joints were stiff. A slight movement produced a creaking sound, but he still tried to wave his hand in a light-hearted gesture.

“No,” he shook his head, “I’m not confident in front of you.”

Ruan Zhen smiled, “Insecure?”

He didn’t think someone like Song Shuling would be insecure.

But the other nodded, looking at him gently and earnestly.

“Yes, very insecure.”

The wind grew even more furious, stinging their cheeks. Zhang Laotou stood at the door, rubbing his hands.

Ruan Zhen had been out for a while. Why wasn’t he back yet?

If they were in the city, it would be fine. Once the kids grow up, they have their own social circles. Young people like to go out, which is normal. But here at the dam, they were in an unfamiliar place. It was hard to see anyone, but there were plenty of weasels and wild rabbits that weren’t afraid of humans and could stand up, twitching their little noses to look at people.

Zhang Laotou thought, there’s nowhere to go here.

He was considering whether to go back and call Ruan Zhen when he finally saw two figures in the distance.

They were walking side by side, not too close, but with some distance between them.

Zhang Laotou’s eyes lit up, and he waved vigorously.

Ruan Zhen saw the movement and ran over quickly, “Why did you come out? Were you waiting for me? It’s so cold outside…”

As he spoke, he pushed Zhang Laotou inside.

Zhang Laotou chuckled and turned to greet the person behind, “Isn’t this your teacher from school?”

He was old, but his mind was sharp. That tall, handsome man was the university teacher who had once visited Liupo Alley to inquire about Ruan Zhen’s life.

It was so cold that Ruan Zhen’s breath formed white clouds, “Let’s talk inside!”

Song Shuling followed behind, politely greeting Zhang Laotou, “Hello.”

The door closed, and Zhang Laotou started to show off, “I made extra sparerib soup today. It must be cold now, right? Come, it’s still simmering on the stove!”

Song Shuling didn’t dare to respond, glancing at Ruan Zhen.

Ruan Zhen’s face was expressionless, “Please sit.”

There were few students and teachers here. The row of faculty apartments was mostly empty, with only Ruan Zhen, Zhang Laotou, and a local unmarried teacher living there. The place was small but well-equipped, with single rooms that had their own small kitchen and bathroom.

They had applied for the farthest apartment to avoid disturbing others, especially since Zhang Laotou and the yellow dog had a tendency to cough. It was quiet, separated by several rooms from their colleagues.

Song Shuling finally sat down on a stool.

There were no sofas, just a few plastic square stools, and a folding table in the middle. The fragrant sparerib soup was served in bowls, the warmth rising to their noses.

Even the glass windows were fogged up.

Song Shuling bowed to receive the bowl, “Thank you… Ah, no, I can’t eat this much.”

Zhang Laotou added another spoonful of soup, “It’s fine, it will keep you warm!”

It was indeed warm.

His nose was about to sweat, and all his joints came to life. His organs were comforted by the warm sparerib soup. The carrots were red, the corn was a tender yellow, and the sweetness blended into the delicious broth, making his tongue tingle.

Zhang Laotou and the yellow dog were already full, watching and smiling.

“Teacher Song, how does it taste?”

Song Shuling gave a thumbs up, “Very good.”

Zhang Laotou was extremely pleased, “The pigs here eat corn and run all over the mountains, so the meat is very fragrant!”

Ruan Zhen looked up silently, “You didn’t raise them…”

Why did he feel so proud?

Zhang Laotou laughed, “I’m just happy!”

He was genuinely happy.

The yellow dog was much better, coughing less and acting like a puppy again, whimpering and being affectionate. The mountain spring water and wild chickens had turned it into a puppy, with gentle, bright eyes full of curiosity, finding everything new.

Zhang Laotou was very observant. He had befriended the local barefoot doctor, and they often went fishing together. The doctor promised to take care of both humans and animals.

Ruan Zhen was also much calmer than before.

He didn’t mention it, but during the summer, he always felt something was off, though he couldn’t pinpoint it. He asked, but got no answers, only silently worrying, suspecting that the boy might have offended someone. Sometimes, when he turned around, he would catch Ruan Zhen quickly looking away.

It felt like, every time he looked, there was one less chance to see.

Many times when Zhang Laotou wasn’t paying attention, Ruan Zhen would quietly watch him and the yellow dog, saying nothing.

“… I’ve always said this boy is well-suited to be a teacher,” Zhang Laotou chatted, feeling good and wanting to drink a couple of ounces of liquor, “So I’m happy to see him doing well now!”

The dishes were cleared, and the three of them gathered around a small table with two small cups of liquor. Ruan Zhen had classes the next day and couldn’t drink, but he didn’t want to disappoint the old man, so Song Shuling joined in.

The homemade liquor was sharp and fiery as it went down.

Song Shuling laughed along, answering Zhang Laotou’s questions.

“Yes, I have two older brothers… I’m the youngest.”

“I’m not married, and I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Zhang Laotou refilled his cup, and Song Shuling stood up quickly, “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Zhang Laotou waved his hand, “You came to see the boy… I’m happy you care about him!”

When they first entered, Zhang Laotou had asked Song Shuling about his purpose. Song Shuling didn’t hide it, saying he came to see Ruan Zhen.

But the old man misunderstood.

He thought the school teacher was worried about the children’s situation and had come to check on them, so he was especially warm and welcoming.

Ruan Zhen saw it wasn’t going well and reached out to stop Zhang Laotou’s arm, “No more drinking!”

“Alright,” Zhang Laotou’s face was red, “I’ll listen… just one more cup, and I’ll stop.”

He was already drunk.

He pulled out a chopstick and dipped it into the wine, smiling at Ruan Zhen, “Come, try it.”

In his drunken state, he treated Ruan Zhen like a child, teasing him with the tip of the chopstick, making the boy wrinkle his nose from the spiciness.

Ruan Zhen leaned over and tasted the wine on the chopstick.

The room was warm, and they had taken off their coats, leaving only thin sweaters. A large movement could easily reveal the waistline. Song Shuling looked down and finished the remaining wine.

The yellow dog was asleep, and Zhang Laotou was ready to sleep too. Ruan Zhen watched him wash his face and brush his teeth, ready to catch him if he stumbled. Finally, he tucked him into bed and turned around, sighing softly.

Song Shuling was standing by the door, his coat over his arm.

Ruan Zhen walked over silently and opened the door, and Song Shuling followed without a word. The door closed softly behind them, and they stood in the cold night wind.

Song Shuling thought Ruan Zhen would speak, so he stood still.

But Ruan Zhen just glanced at him and walked to the next door, taking out the key.

“Stunned?”

The key jingled as he moved it.

Ruan Zhen looked at him expressionlessly, about to close the door.

A hand reached out and pressed against the side of the door.

In the silent standoff, Ruan Zhen finally smiled, “You want to stand here in the cold wind after drinking? I won’t stop you if you want to get sick.”

With that, he turned and walked away.

The room was dark, with only the moonlight casting a small shadow on the man’s Adam’s apple, moving slightly with each swallow.

Song Shuling closed the door behind him.

At the same time, Ruan Zhen turned on the light, revealing the room’s decor. Unlike Zhang Laotou’s, this room had no folding table or stools, but a small two-person sofa.

And a single bed on the left, just over a meter away.

Ruan Zhen hung up his coat without turning around, “There’s only one pair of slippers, so you’ll have to go barefoot.”

Song Shuling nodded.

Ruan Zhen picked up a blanket from the bed and threw it on the sofa, “Cover yourself with this. If you get cold, put on a coat.”

Song Shuling murmured, “Okay.”

“There are disposable toiletries in the bathroom,” Ruan Zhen turned around, arms crossed, looking at him, “Clean up and go to sleep. You can leave early tomorrow. Got it?”

If he hadn’t been worried about the cold, he wouldn’t have brought Song Shuling back.

There was an empty dorm next door, but it was dusty and had only a military bed. After a brief internal struggle, Ruan Zhen decided to let Song Shuling stay for the night.

The man had helped him before.

And based on his understanding of Song Shuling, although he wasn’t a saint, he seemed to be quite disciplined in matters of the heart, maintaining his principles and not acting rashly.

After all, when Ruan Zhen had stood naked, Song Shuling hadn’t done anything. And during their confrontation in the bathroom, even when their bodies were so close, the man had raised his hands and tried to keep some distance.

Thinking about it, he seemed quite gentlemanly.

As for what he had said earlier, Ruan Zhen planned to pretend he hadn’t heard.

“Anything else you want to ask?”

Ruan Zhen looked at him, chin up, indifferent.

He wasn’t inexperienced with declarations. He knew it was important to stay calm. The more nervous or anxious one was, the more likely they were to get entangled. So, he had to act casual, as if he didn’t care, making it easier to either reject or accept.

… Wait.

Why would he even consider accepting?

Remove that thought!

The room was really small. With a bed and a sofa, it felt crowded with two adult men, almost able to feel each other’s breath.

It was too close.

Ruan Zhen felt the alcohol affecting him, his face heating up.

Panicking, he repeated, “That’s it… anything else you want to ask?”

Then go to sleep!

He pulled the blanket over himself, facing the wall, and fell asleep.

If Song Shuling did anything, the axe behind the door would take care of it.

But the other man just looked at him deeply.

He might have been drunk, his amber eyes slightly misty, looking a bit vulnerable.

Song Shuling became a student again, listening carefully, thinking about what he had heard, and asking questions if anything was unclear.

So, he looked into Ruan Zhen’s eyes and spoke slowly.

“Can I… kiss you?”

After the words, Ruan Zhen didn’t react, just staring at him blankly.

Song Shuling, used to being in a position of power, remained serious and composed, not realizing the boldness of his words.

“If you don’t want to,”

He smiled, “That’s fine. Maybe another time.”

Then he politely nodded at Ruan Zhen and walked to the bathroom, moving slowly to pick up the disposable toothbrush, open it, and rinse it.

It was mechanical.

After washing his face, he came out and saw Ruan Zhen still standing there, tilting his head in confusion, “What’s wrong?”

Ruan Zhen was silent for a moment, “Nothing, go to sleep.”

Song Shuling nodded, “Okay.”

He took off his shoes, lay down on the sofa, and covered himself with the blanket, pulling it up to his neck, “I’m going to sleep. Good night.”

Ruan Zhen was already walking to the bathroom, responding absentmindedly, “Okay, good night.”

The man was probably very drunk, so he didn’t argue with a drunk person.

The water flowed steadily, and he looked at his reflection in the mirror, splashing some water on his face. The water trickled down, distorting the image.

He was the one with the problem.

Not just Song Shuling, but himself as well.

The bathroom routine took a bit longer. When he came out, Song Shuling was already asleep.

The sofa was small, a two-seater, not enough for Song Shuling’s build. His head rested on the armrest, and his legs were draped over the other side, looking a bit cramped.

But his breathing was steady, and he was sound asleep.

Ruan Zhen sat on the bed, finding it a bit amusing.

He thought Song Shuling could drink a lot, but they always toasted and celebrated in business circles. How could he be knocked out by a few cups of liquor from Zhang Laotou? He was so drunk, defenseless, and sleeping soundly.

Song Shuling had excellent features, with sharp eyebrows and eyelashes that cast small shadows. His cheeks were slightly flushed from the alcohol, looking very innocent.

He slept when told, without arguing or resisting. Even earlier, when Ruan Zhen chased him with a piece of chalk, he didn’t move.

Ruan Zhen propped his chin in his hands, waking from his reverie after a while.

He had been staring at Song Shuling’s sleeping face for so long.

What was so interesting to look at?

Half angry, half guilty, Ruan Zhen turned off the light and lay down.

The room was dark, and because it was so small, their breathing was especially clear. Ruan Zhen unconsciously made his breaths lighter. He had just changed into pajamas in the bathroom and wrapped himself in the blanket. He lay on his side, facing away from Song Shuling, closing his eyes tightly.

Ruan Zhen rarely had insomnia.

He would fall asleep quickly and then kick this person out tomorrow.

If he didn’t leave, he would ask Village Chief Huang Yang to help, using a tricycle to drive him away.

Then it would be peaceful, and he could continue his life.

Ruan Zhen turned over.

He really rarely had insomnia.

He would fall asleep quickly.

He would fall asleep…

Half an hour later, Ruan Zhen sat up silently, rubbing his face, letting out a silent scream.

What was wrong with him?

He couldn’t sleep, he was having insomnia!